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This day. That day. It happens.

I hate knowing that this day will come every year. I just hate it.

October 30th you were taken away from me, from us. And every year, before that day comes, I feel it.

I’m so torn. I’m torn because you were taken from everyone who loved you. Your smile, your laugh, that contagious laughter. That laugh is you. I still hear it, but it’s not the same. I wish I could hear it right in front of me and feel the air escape your mouth every time you laughed. Everyone knew it was you from a mile away when they heard that beautiful, loud, screaming, giddy laugh. I’m smiling just thinking about it now.

I’m also torn because October 30th is the day you went home. You are in heaven with our Lord, and you are no longer suffering. You no longer have to fight or hurt, from breast cancer, to its spreading, to fighting it again and again and still living, living happily, making everyone around you feel loved because of you. That’s why this day is so confusing for me. You left, but you’re still here in our everyday life, in the wind that blows, in the sadness. I feel that I don’t have you by my side. Every time I needed to call you and hear your voice, you were there.

I remember the day you decided to go back home. I was there when you loaded that truck, and I was there to see you off as you crossed those bridges and tunnels to find your life again with your family and friends. When I watched that U-Haul drive away until I couldn’t see it anymore, a part of me left with you, and I couldn’t figure out what that achy feeling was. I thought it was just knowing how far away you’d be, but it was more. I didn’t know it was the last day I would see you. We shared so many calls across the miles, and I always wanted to come see you, but each time something stupid got in the way. I held on to our weekly calls when we could. I held on to you, and I still do.

I don’t know if you hear me talking to you when I feel you near. Something reminds me of you and I start rambling like I used to, but sadly you’re not on the other end of the line. Still, I know you’re there. I know your laughter is shaking the heavens and that you’re carefree. That’s what keeps me holding on, knowing you are no longer suffering, my friend.

It’s crazy that the day before one of my favorite holidays, I have to say goodbye to you again. Every year I get dressed up with my kids. Halloween was our thing to share, and I knew you were watching us, watching the kids grow and the craziness that is Halloween. This year I didn’t dress up. I’d hoped the pain of missing you the day before would pass so I could still have Halloween. But the hurt continued. I learned that my beautiful aunt was in the hospital on the day of your passing, and we spent the day supporting and loving each other in the ER. Bad news always seems to follow.

I woke up on Halloween morning heavy from what we’d endured the night before. Then came the frantic call from my father, my mother wasn’t feeling well, and she had to go to the ER too. That’s when my Halloween happiness just died. Seeing my mother on that hospital bed, so frail and weak, not looking like herself, I prayed that God would give her strength. You, Meggs, were in my every thought. I could feel you looking down on us and reassuring me that it was okay, that you were sharing heaven with all the family and friends we’ve lost, helping to pull the strength together for my mom. After almost a full day there, we were finally able to take her home. She’s getting stronger, little by little, and I know she is doing all she can to be the amazing woman she is: supportive, beautiful, kind-hearted, the best Nonna my kids could have. She’s the best mom I was gifted with. God knew what he was doing when he gave her to me.

Please, Lord, I know I talk to you so much and ask for strength and unconditional love, to understand all that you do in our lives, and to believe that everyone is right where they need to be, even with the suffering. Please be with my aunt too, and whatever the outcome, hold all of us.

It was a crazy few days, and now today November 2nd we celebrate you through all the chaos. 

Happy heavenly birthday, my dear sweet friend Meggs. You’re in my heart. You have a part of me with you, and each day I try my best to keep your spirit alive within me. Because you are gone from this Earth, you’re never gone from my heart. I know you’re lifting me up.

Happy birthday! We all love and miss you here on this place we call Earth. 

We are each given this life just for a while, so live it. Love strongly, and tell the people you love, right now, no matter what. Let this love overflow from our hearts onto those who need to hear it.

Alpha Party always together

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An Evening of Shooting Stars

The night couldn’t have been more perfect. Dinner at Octave, with its music inspired menu and live performance, transported me back to a time that still makes me smile. But experiencing it all again with my family made the evening even more magical.

A French speaking band singing the English songs we grew up with filled the room with music that moved me, literally. My body swayed, the cheers grew loud, and the clapping carried on throughout the night.

Then, in a quiet moment, I caught myself, opened my eyes, and looked around to see my husband, my kids, and the best Bubbs ever smiling back at me. And just like that, another beautiful memory was etched into my heart. 

Laughter on the drive back with missed turns still landed us back home just in time to enjoy my first ever annual Perseid meteor shower. All interior and exterior lights were off. I was on the lounge outside staring up at the most starry filled night. A few seconds later Isannah came and  cuddled with me to watch the magic in the sky. Two quick shooting stars followed by a few more every few minutes. The trees came in the way just a little so we relocated to the open sky to the front which is when Giovanni and Asher joined. We each shouted to different locations of shooting stars. Sometimes we caught the same one. It was magical and we saw it all together. 

It was a beautiful way to end the night. Drifting to sleep with stars on my mind letting me know that we are loved not only on earth but with those we lost watching over us smiling. 

“Some moments are meant to be felt, not just remembered.” 

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First Volunteer experience at City Harvest

There are no words to describe how proud I am of this kid. Thursday was my son’s first volunteer job at City Harvest repacking bags of carrots in the mission to feed New Yorkers Facing Hunger. In just his box along with two other volunteers made 278 (maybe more) carrot bags. I believe in total the amazing volunteers packed a total of 8,000 + bags in one shift. City Harvest made it easy, lively, and exciting to be a part of this community of volunteers being a part of the mission. 

We are looking forward with much excitement to be a part of more events through City Harvest in there amazing mission for all New Yorkers facing hunger. 

To see my son examining each carrot before packing them made my heart so happy.

Way to go Giovanni, all the volunteers, and City Harvest for making all of this possible. We are grateful for you heart, mission, and services.  

They even had music and a huge disco ball shining the light throughout the building.

What an beautiful day it was.

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A message for my moms…

With all the Mother’s Day wishes to and from, heartfelt calls and messages, and family dinner time I missed the time to say a little something about the two moms in my life. 

They are each a beacon of light. The support they provide is all I need to get by. 

Mommy, I thank God everyday that he chose you to be my mommy. He knew you were all I needed for all the right reasons. Whether it was to vent, cry, understand the pain of loss, and that relationships end. You were there for each emotion I experienced and continue to. When my heart felt like I wasn’t meant to be happy or loved, you helped me see the way a bit clearer. That all my unanswered prayers weren’t to hurt me or that I didn’t deserve that love, it was because it wasn’t my time. God had a plan for me and I needed patience (which is always hard for me) because it will all come to light and understanding why my time wasn’t the right time. 

You put up with me when I didn’t understand your love. When I was stubborn and tough. You were there with me for protection and forgiving. I didn’t know how important you truly were and how much I didn’t realize you would end up being my best friend. 

I’m so blessed that as I grew I knew you were mine. My mommy, my bestfriend, my half of strength. You taught me all about love and that if I found that one, love would be unconditional as your love for me has no end. You are my angel on earth and always my guiding light to help me find my way. You are the one that makes things alright with just your hug. Being in your presence gives me the happiness I sometimes miss. 

To my gifted mom Mia, you always hear the horror stories about mother-in-laws from friends and family. As you hear the stories you start to shrink in size. But I wouldn’t ever know how that feels. From day one I knew the person you were. I felt welcomed and loved. Our connection grew strong and I couldn’t believe how we just met. 

I felt like I was a part of you for much longer. You are always there to listen and if I can’t find the words you help them come out. Thank you for gifting me your boy and for always, no matter what, being there to make the important things truly matter. And the not so important things just fade. You pulled me up from under the stress that overwhelms me. You give of yourself so effortlessly. You are love! 

They say you have one mom that is truly yours. One mom that knew you from within. But I am lucky to have two. Maybe you didn’t grow me or hear my heartbeat from inside but you hear it now and always have. Thank you for loving me as your own. 

I am blessed with two strong, beautiful, kind, encouraging, amazing moms and I can’t imagine my life without you there. 

I hope you both know that you are celebrated every day, not just on Mother’s Day. As your lives are our gifts.  

I love you both.

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Year 15. Gio and Isa’s Miracles

And just like that, another year has passed honoring our miracles, Giovanni and Isannah, as we walked in the March for Babies.

The walk was last Sunday, and although we knew rain was on the way, the heart and dedication of this team never wavered. No one let the weather stop them. Instead, we showed up together, proudly wearing our new team shirts celebrating Gio and Isa’s Miracles.

These shirts felt especially meaningful this year, as they were made with love by my dear friend Caroline at Her Way To Slay. Her kindness and support were with us every step of the way as we walked with pride. 

We arrived later than usual and were immediately met with volunteers taking down signs. For a moment, I worried we’d missed it, that the walk had already ended. It’s normally so full of faces and clusters of people, the kind of crowd you have to weave your way through, but we didn’t let that stop us.

The wind pushed hard against us as the rain came in fits, sharp and spitting. At times, my hair whipped across my face so fiercely I could barely see the people just ahead. Still, we kept moving, carried forward by shared jokes, loud laughter, and something deeper that kept us going.

And then I looked around at the familiar faces. The people who have walked beside us for 15 years and I knew, without question, that everything was going to be okay.

I’m humbled by your kindness, generosity, and support. 

Gio and Isa’s Miracles is still active. It’s not too late to donate.

https://www.marchforbabies.org/caramia626

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Karters NICU Graduation

There are many good days in the NICU, but yesterday was the absolute best and I was blessed to be a part of every moment.

Karter came into the NICU as a tiny little peanut, fighting bravely through so many challenges. Each day he grew bigger and stronger. While there are always setbacks, new decisions, and fresh beginnings in this journey, he never wavered. He showed us all that he was ready to make his way in this unsteady world.

Yesterday, Karter became a NICU graduate, a big, beautiful, healthy 22 week old boy.

I was blessed to cuddle him throughout his time at NYPBM whenever I was on shift, including his graduation day. I was able to steal one last beautiful cuddle, holding him until he fell asleep comfortably in my arms, saving all his energy for his big celebration.

There were interviews, speeches, and nurses and staff stopping by to share in the excitement. We even had Santa spreading good cheer and well wishes.

Everyone was unbelievably happy and just a little sad, as Karter has been part of our NICU family for six months. He is loved by so many and he has become a permanent resident in my heart.

Then it was time for the big moment, Karter wore his graduation cap and made his way out the NICU doors. We rolled out the red carpet, lined up on each side with pom-poms in hand and golden crowns on our heads. “Celebration” by Kool & The Gang played as we cheered his name and danced alongside mom and Karter on their walk out of the NICU. His doctors were moved to tears, and I had to turn away more than once to catch my own. When Karter’s mom began to speak, there wasn’t a dry eye. She is an amazing, kind, and truly beautiful mother, and Karter is blessed in every way.

As the cheers slowly faded, hugs were shared. J, M, and I helped mom gather six months’ worth of NICU belongings and said our “see you later” instead of goodbye. The three of us walked upstairs, chatting about the day and the memories we’ll carry with us forever.

This was a day I truly needed, and I am so grateful to have been part of this journey.

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Block Party 2025

Every year around this time our block comes together and makes magic happen for the kids and families. This is my favorite time of year. This is when I can get my family together and all our friends. The kids invite all those that mean something to them. They have friends from different times in their life which makes it extra special. 

It’s really a time that we come together and catch up. Lot’s of hugs are given and received and the laughter we hear echoes all around us. It’s sharing yummy food together along with some wine or drinks. 

This year we had a special guest, my dearest friend Caroline and her crew had their grand opening on our block. Just a – lil snack @just_a_lil_snack on Instagram brought ice cream, snow cones, mini pancake snacks, block party toys, and so much more. It was a treat for all big and small.

This is when Summer comes to an end and we welcome Fall.  

Thank you to all those who came out to celebrate with us. Thank you for being part of our tradition. 

We love and appreciate you all. 

Here’s to Block Party 2025!

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Every Year, This Day Comes…

It’s always the hardest knowing this day would come again, just as it has every year. There is no escaping it. The weight of it. The ache it brings. The reminder of the loss we endured, both as individuals and as a collective.

So many lives were directly impacted on this day. And even for those who weren’t there, the trauma reached far and wide through television screens, through stories told by others, through the silence that followed, and through the cries that echoed across the world.

For me, this day took someone I grew up with. A sweet friend from elementary school. She was my penpal after my family moved following our sixth-grade graduation. Though distance separated us, our bond remained. Among the small group of us who stayed connected from those early years, her absence will always be deeply felt. That circle of childhood friends still holds a special place in my heart, and some of my strongest friendships remain rooted in those innocent days.

Twenty-four years ago, the world changed. A tragedy unfolded that would shape our collective memory forever. And in those first moments, through the dust, the fear, and the chaos, something else emerged: UNITY and LOVE.

For a moment, the divisions of race, religion, and politics faded into the background. We came together not as strangers, not as separate nations, but as one people. We became love. We held space for one another. We prayed as one. We cried for lives taken far too soon. We grieved the broken families, the empty offices that no longer stand, the missing names never to return home. And we still do. I miss that world. We are all aching for our current beings, here, and now. 

We were all affected. We still are and will continue to be. 

And though time moves on, healing is still a process.

This day will never be forgotten. And neither will the people we lost.

Let us honor them by continuing to love one another, by showing up with empathy, and by remembering that, despite everything, we found light in the darkest of times.

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From Preschool to High School: A Mother’s Reflection

This is an emotional journey. One filled with chapters that began long before the first day of school. Our path started in the most unbelievable way. From the tough, fighting days during pregnancy to time spent in the NICU and everything that followed… and look at us now.

You’ve grown into such beautiful individuals, each with your own strengths, quirks, and personalities that shine so brightly. I remember it like it was yesterday, preparing you for preschool. You walked in without hesitation, without needing an ease-in period. Just a hug, a kiss, and a smile and you were off. Excited for the day, for your teachers, for your new friends. The very next morning, you were ready to do it all again.

I have so many pictures to remember those moments to freeze time, if only for a second.

And now, here we are. Two high school students. I’m still in shock that we’ve arrived at this chapter. This time, no pictures you shy away from the camera as you step through those doors. A quiet confidence. A new kind of independence.

A new chapter begins as another quietly closes. But not completely, the friendships, the memories, the lessons, they’ll always be with you. Just like the best books, you can reread those pages anytime for comfort or reflection, but the story keeps moving forward.

And you’ve got this.

I am so deeply humbled, grateful, and proud to be your mother.

**To the many parents, caregivers, and families,

Good luck with the new school year! May it bring fresh beginnings, exciting moments, growth, confidence, and above all, safety. We’ve made it this far, and we’ll keep moving forward together.

~’cesca

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Fairwell my friend

Saying goodbye to 2024 and reflecting on the ups and downs that came with it. In the new year we must approach life with love, kindness, and a sense of urgency, not putting off experiences and connections due to fear or routine. This mindset can help us make the most of the time we have and can create meaningful memories with those around us.

As we look forward to the new year, I’m hoping for more kindness, love, laughter, and opportunities to make memories with loved ones. It’s a great reminder that life is precious and should be lived to the fullest.

Life can take us in many different directions, but it’s how we approach those twists and turns that matters. With love and kindness, we can cultivate a sense of purpose and fulfillment, even in the face of uncertainty.

I try every day to see the good that surrounds me but sometimes my mind gets cloudy and pulls me in a direction I fear will bring me back to the sadness I carry with me. 

This past year had beautiful memories but right at the end my faith was tested again. I entered 2025 with heartbreak.

New year’s started with a loss so great my mind still can’t comprehend. My beautiful, kind, full of life, make things happen, friend was taken too soon. 

I met DQ when I first moved back to NY and walked into my first job. He welcomed me with nothing but kindness. He created an environment that was scary for me, with nothing but joy. He took my fear and turned it around allowing me to open up to the possibilities it could bring. He always included me and made sure I was comfortable. He made me laugh so much. When I was with him I knew things would always be great. 

His was a friendship that blossomed through the years and he became a staple in my life. From our work Thursday night drinks to our talks that always ended with my cheeks hurting from laughter, he was that friend you needed in your life. 

I will be grateful to you always and for being able to see you and hold your hand as I said goodbye.

Dearest DQ,

I want to tell you, thank you! I hope you truly felt how much your friendship means to me. Thank you for the many laughs, unfaltering friendship, pop in notes, but more importantly your kindness and heart. Always full of life, joy, and the many adventures you shared with all of us. I am forever grateful that I had the chance to hear you once more. Your voice was soft and kind. You said it was ok. You were so brave until the very end. 

Praying all the amazing memories we all shared with you helps with the everyday knowing you are at peace. 24+ years was too little but ever so grand. 

You will forever remain in my heart.

Your Franklin